April 28, 2010

Overalls Are Meant For The Farmyard

Ok, I’ll admit it. I was once guilty of overall-wearing for daily non-farm activities. But it was also the late 90’s, I was in the fourth grade, and it was in style. That’s right, even before my age reached the double digits I was still on top of the latest styles. At any rate, these days it is not ok to wear overalls. Actually, it’s more than not ok, it is just plain wrong.

If you’re over the age of 4 there is no reason for you to be wearing a one-piece anything. Never mind something as absurd as one-piece jeans. Which is odd because jeans are one-piece anyway… Who the hell decided that jeans needed to be more one-piece-ier in the first place? Where do people come up with these ideas? I guess I can commend the intentions of creating the overall because crack is not where it’s at, so to speak. So this contraption called overalls would definitely save us from over-crack-exposure. However this does not excuse the fact that nobody should ever wear overalls! Call me optimistic but I was just reasoning with the bright side of overalls.

Now there is a time and place for everything, including overalls (which is quite unfortunate). You are officially allowed to wear overalls if you are either:

A. A farmer. And this means in the farmyard only. I mean come on, when was the last time you saw a farmer not wearing overalls? They were practically made for each other. But for all you farmers who venture out on the town or go clubbing (…I have no idea what farmers do), you must remove the overalls immediately!

or

B. A plumber. You might be thinking, “Ok farmer I get, but plumber?” Yes plumber. How many times have you had a plumber repairing your leaky kitchen faucet, and you walk in to grab a bag a chips but suddenly you’re not hungry anymore because you have been hit with the sight of the dreaded and not-so-elusive plumber crack?! I never let a plumber in my house unless they’re wearing overalls because which is more important, fixing a leaky pipe or keeping my vision?

Overalls are always a no, and if you still own a pair or two and are not currently working as a farmer and/or plumber, I would be surprised. And appalled. I haven’t seen anyone kicking around in their overalls lately, and I intend to keep it that way.

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