Pajamas Are Not For The Public

Which is why no one should be wearing them outside of their home! To me, seeing someone wearing their pajamas in public says that they have not showered today. They rolled out of bed, remembered they had errands to run, and walked on out as-is. Gross. On the other hand, if for some reason they did in fact shower but decided to put pajamas back on and then go out… well that is just silly, but it happens. And I’m here to (try to) put it to an end!

I’m going to make a statement that some people may not agree with, so it’s a good thing I don’t care about other people’s opinions. Sweatpants are ok to wear in public, as long as they’re not old, stained, dirty, ill-fitting, or completely ugly. Some people don’t want to be constricted by jeans while they’re grocery shopping, and I say that is ok! A nice outfit containing sweatpants is not a big deal to be seen in public, and can even look cute. For this reason I do not understand why people think they need to wear their pajamas in public to be comfortable. Personally, it would make me more uncomfortable to be wearing my Hello Kitty pajama pants with my oversized men’s t-shirt while everyone else is dressed… what’s the word I’m looking for?... normal.

Sweatpants tell people, “Hey, I have things to do but I feel like being extra casual today. Maybe I’m going to the gym later. You don’t know me, but you do know I don’t look like a slob even though I’m not wearing jeans.” Yes, sweatpants do make a nearly-paragraph-long statement. Deal with it. Pajamas on the other hand say, “About 20 minutes ago I was sound asleep in bed. I obviously didn’t walk by a mirror this morning or I would have come to the realization that my pajamas would be ridiculous to wear out in public. Not only do I look like a slob, but I also don’t care that I do.” This is not the statement you want to be making, trust me!

For all you people who wear your pajamas out in public, I have two things to say to you. One, I am disgusted. Two, invest in some nice, fitted sweatpants or some good-looking yoga pants. If you are that against wearing jeans in public, then you need to get some respectable looking sweatpants that make you seem like you care how you look. If you are as opposed to sweatpants as you are jeans, then keep your pajama eyesore in your house because no one wants to see it!

You’ll thank me later.

(Photos courtesy of http://www.farm3.static.flickr.com/ and http://www.x17online.com/)

Baseball Hats Were Created For Men

Specifically those who actually play baseball, but the average everyday dude can pull them off too. However, the people baseball hats are not meant for are women. I know you lady sports fans are going to kill me but I mean, come on. The only thing you could wear that would be more masculine is a mustache. I understand that the baseball hat makers of the world are trying to include, and even target, women by making pink baseball hats. But that doesn’t mean you have to give in and wear one!

Sometimes we ladies don’t feel like doing the whole 20 minute routine of styling our hair before we run out somewhere. And sometimes we’re not having the greatest hair day in the universe. It’s ok, I get it. But I do not get women who insist on wearing manly baseball hats to try to mask these things, because frankly, you’re not fooling anyone. The second I see a woman with a baseball hat on I know there is some seriously funked up hair going on underneath it. The more you try to hide it with a stupid baseball hat, the more obvious it is that your hair looks horrible today. Sure, throw your annoying hair back in a ponytail- instant style right there. But for the love of God do not proceed to strategically place a baseball hat over it.

We all know guys have it easier in every aspect of fashion, and even just in the daily routine. I wish I could take a 5 minute shower, brush my teeth, throw on some clothes, and be out the door but I can’t. Because I’m not a man. If I don’t feel like styling my hair, I am not going to put on a baseball hat. Because I’m not a man. A hair elastic can solve any major bad hair day with a flick of the wrist, and presto, a cute non-manly ponytail. But I swear, the next time you reach for that baseball hat I’ll chop your hand off.

And the only thing worse than wearing a baseball hat is losing a hand in a baseball hat related incident. You have been warned.

(Photos courtsey of www.rialtosquare.com/ and www.equip.co.uk/)

Crispy Hair Is A Crime

Hold on a second, I know what you’re thinking, but fashion isn’t just about the clothes you wear. Hair is the most important fashion accessory to any outfit because you can always see it. That’s why it is important to do something with that hair before you leave the house. Anything. Throw a comb through it and I’ll be happy.

Now I’ve seen some bad hair in my day, borderline terrible. Perms gone awry, hair cut uneven, afros on people that shouldn’t have them, and mullets. Enough said about that last one. But the one thing that truly hurts my soul to see on someone’s head is dried up, crispy, crunchy hair. For God’s sake woman, put down the hairspray and grab the conditioner! That damage is so terrifying it just may be irreversible, so you need to remedy it this second!

Call me cruel but I have no sympathy for those with crispy hair. Do you know how many conditioners they make these days? As someone with hair a little more oily than others, I shampoo religiously every day. So I expect my arch nemeses, the fried heads, to condition just as much. If you do so much as blow dry your hair at least 5 days a week, you should use conditioner. Chances are though, if you’re just innocently blow drying and using the proper conditioner now and again, your hair is probably just fine. I’m directing my poorly focused aggression on people who have hair the consistency of hay and do nothing about it. Which, in turn, forces me to look at it.

To end this tirade I have prepared an open letter of opinion to everyone who has obviously damaged, dry, crispy hair and is doing nothing to try to combat it:

Dear Crispies,

Your hair looks like a bird’s nest. It is so horribly damaged I do not know what to do with myself, but I certainly will not avert my gaze of disgust away from that hay stack you call hair. In order for my hatred of you to be directed elsewhere, I need you to go into the nearest drugstore and pick up one of the 10,000 different kinds of conditioners they sell, work into hair for about 60 seconds, rinse, and repeat as necessary. And trust me, it will be necessary. Have a nice day and watch out for nesting birds, I hear it’s mating season.

Love,

Christine

(Photos courtesy of www.myhairstylingtools.com and www.totallyher.com)