Just Say No To Crocs

I have been battling against Crocs from the God awful moment they were invented. People need to understand that a hunk of rubber is not a shoe! Unless it’s a flip-flop, but even that’s not a shoe, it’s a flip-flop which is a-okay in my book. But I digress.

Whoever invented Crocs is an evil genius that wants to make the world horribly unfashionable by passing off a variety of unattractive rubber footwear as shoes. I have seen so many types of Crocs it sickens me. There is the original, lose your toes on a mall escalator Croc. There is the fur-lined Croc for the winter time, of course. I mean, who could go even one season without wearing such an attractive shoe? (Gag.) And then there are a couple different types of Crocs that try to disguise themselves as women’s fashion flats.

I thought my personal battle with Crocs was nearly won. I hadn’t even seen a toddler wearing Crocs in the longest time, never mind a grown woman. But on this one, fateful afternoon when I was innocently watching television, I saw it. A brand new commercial advertising the newest type of Croc. My heart sank and I threw up in my mouth a little. A young, assumingly single woman, on her way out of her apartment, wearing Crocs even more deeply disguised as real shoes.

Women of the world do not be fooled! A Croc is not a shoe, no matter how much the evil Croc-people try to trick you into thinking they are. No matter how deeply you think the Croc-ness is disguised, it is blatantly obvious what those monstrosities on your feet are. Crocs are the singularly most unattractive and unfashionable shoe on the market today, and has earned Christine’s Official Stamp Of Disgust.

So if you do not want to be a fashion outcast, take my advice and just say no to Crocs. It’s as simple as that.